Note: Out of curiosity, I went looking to see which of the (admirable) texts joyfully scattered across this (very good) blog has been, across all periods, the most consulted of all.
It turns out to be a Commentary on the Book of Lapis-Lazuli, entitled “Like an Oyster” (Comme une Huître), published in 2021 e.v. during the blessed hours of our dear Abbey of Thelema.
Since this text has only ever appeared in French, and the overwhelming majority of visitors to this blog are now English-speaking, I am posting today its English version.
Tell me if, like any true French nectar (I was born in Bordeaux), the thing has aged well.
Like An Oyster
Commentary on Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli Adumbratio Kabbalæ Ægyptiorum sub figurâ VII, Chapter 3, verses 8 to 11
Written in the Abbey of Thelema in Vippiacus,
☉︎ in 18° ♊︎ : ☽︎ in 7° ♊︎ : ☿︎ : Ⅴⅴⅰⅰ (June 9, 2021 e.v.)
Dear friends, beautiful and happy people,
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law.
It is the fortieth of the Beautiful Days and Tia has just asked me: "How come your reader fanbase is still so fiercely devoted???... When you troll, fair enough, it's funny... But Thelema is a niche, very serious subject!... The other Thelemite content creators would have a fit if they read your mail: this is straight-up idolatry!"
My secret is that the internet — especially the part devoted to occult sciences — is full of people who draw their energy from their audience, whereas I invert the ratio. It is you who come here for your fix. When you finish reading me, you will feel young, lithe, invincible, and invulnerable. The ladies will deem themselves eminently desirable, and all the gentlemen will feel like the quintessential example of sexual perfection. Small children will inexplicably stop crying as you pass, and disobedient pets will spontaneously offer you their paw to request your instructions. And that's when I write sober. Imagine what awaits you on the days I write truly drunk!
Dear friends, this Wednesday's Reading is from Liber Liberi vel Lapidis Lazuli Adumbratio Kabbalæ Ægyptiorum sub figurâ VII, Chapter 3, verses 8 to 11.
8. Terraces of ilex, and tiers of onyx and opal and sardonyx leading up to the cool green porch of malachite.
Commentary: We are visibly still in the palace of the sumptuous Baalkis (cf. Sir Shumule and the Queen of Sheba), or else in the Land of Thelema — and for your shrink, it's the same thing.
On this subject, our dinner debate last night concerned the question: Who is more authentically Babalonian, Cleopatra or Makeda (the Queen of Sheba)?
As for me, I remain faithful to my fixation on Jingū Kōgō, which is probably a sign of a masochistic streak, since Japan largely moved on from female reigns after that of Shōtoku Tennō, whose lover-guru, the monk Dōkyō, nearly overthrew the Throne as well.
Erotic haiku are full of allusions to the monstrous enormity of Dōkyō’s cock (while paying homage to the dignity of the Celestial Sovereign, who, lexically speaking, let nothing slip even in the heat of passion — since, at the moment of orgasmic peak, the licentious poems claim that Her Imperial Majesty would cry "We are passing away! We are passing away!" instead of "I am dying! I am dying!"). And in the category of "how to destroy a multi-millennial supremacy with my dick," Ray J is perhaps simply a gilgul (reincarnation) of the monk Dōkyō. Such is the glory of Priapus spoken of in the next verse.
9. Within is a crystal shell, shaped like an oyster — O glory of Priapus! O beatitude of the Great Goddess!
Commentary: All commentators on this verse delightedly repeat that the oyster is a symbol of the Yoni, which tends to explain why, to the traditional prohibition on eating live animals, an exception can be made for oysters.
It also explains why we do not salt oysters, which, like women, are naturally salty, though in varying proportions.
The best ones, as everyone knows, are invariably the saltiest. The Queen of Sheba must have been hyper-salty; Michelle Rodriguez must be hyper-hyper-salty; and I am working on my karma to reincarnate as Gina Carano’s girlfriend.
10. Therein is a pearl.
Commentary: "Pearl" in Hebrew is פְּנִינָה (peninah), gematria 195, which equals חפצי בה ("my delight is in her"), an allusion to Zion ציון (gematria 156), which is the numerical value of BABALON.
And since we are in the kingdom of Sheba, let us recall that Solomon, that supreme gynolater, says that "a valiant woman is more precious than pearls" — i.e., the alpha amazon, the badass chick, the Queen of the South is worth more than Jerusalem and Babylon combined.
"My delight is in her" thus sounds very different, and the allusion to pearls confirms it: what you want to find in the "oyster" is a lot of salt.
So: to the mines! — Work! as Kelly Rowland said, herself quite a fine specimen of a Queen of Sheba.
11. O Pearl! thou hast come from the majesty of dread Ammon-Ra.
Commentary: The pearl sprung from the fearsome engine of divine Amon, as we know, through the intermediary of a mysterious priest, inseminated the sacred hetaira Olympias, and from there came Alexander the Great — the pearl indeed, the most prodigious being the Earth has ever borne, as I once wrote: My idols have always been people like Alexander, Napoleon, and the guy who invented the panini.
Did you know that Alexander’s Empire extended all the way to Bactria and Sogdiana, regions that sound like typos but border China?
Now, China in the 4th century BCE was in the late Zhou dynasty. If Alexander had died later and pushed further, he would have met Lao-Tzu.
This is once again the Teaching of Priapus, of Amon, of Dōkyō, of Ray J: it’s not that Lao-Tzu isn’t there — it’s that you have to push far enough and not finish too soon.
Or: it’s not that your wife doesn’t love you — she cheats because your dick is too small and you come too fast.
Meditating upon which, go forth, dear friends, under the protection of that spiritual sphere whose center is everywhere and whose circumference is nowhere, which we call GOD.
Beautiful day to all.
Love is the law, love under will.
— ☉︎ in 18° ♊︎ : ☽︎ in 7° ♊︎ : ☿︎ : Ⅴⅴⅰⅰ.
𓄿𓎛𓂧 𓇋𓈖𓏌
